Pastoral VIBE-ology: April

it's OFF

Welcome to the latest edition of Pastoral Vibe-ology, an imprint of Pastoral Theology with Joseph Lear.

In this jokey and unserious sub-Substack,

I’m your personal viber of VIBES.

The Vibe

Bad news everyone: The vibe is 🚫 OFF 🚫 this month.

I’m a little late on this post, and I’m now realizing that the reason I’ve been struggling to declare April’s vibe is because the vibe is, in fact, totally OFF.

Here are the top three reasons why the vibe is OFF:

1. I Didn’t Get the Herky Job

After unceremoniously losing my job at Evangel University, I was standing on the promise that those who wait on the Lord will rise up on

🪽WINGS LIKE HAWKEYES 🪽(from the Iowa Revised Version of the Bible).

What could have been…

I waited, but Herky’s wings weren’t for me. I will now take 40 days of fasting in a corn field 🌽 where the devil will no doubt tempt me to ride the wings of a State cyclone 🌪️ 🤮

2. The President is joking (?) about being Jesus.

And it’s, like, really killing the vibe this Easter season.

Please make it stop

Doesn’t that pic really just tick you OFF? And didn’t the LORD say that those who make themselves like God will be cut OFF from the people?

Well, that’s why the vibe is OFF.

3. Jesus Hasn’t Come Back Yet

And that’s a real bummer. I know it’s only been like a couple of days since Easter (that is, a couple thousand years in God-days).

But I’m about to scream in a desert, kill a camel, and make some honey-grasshopper popsicles to hurry him up.

This song is on repeat:

We Gotta Bring the VIBE Back

Here’s how we do it:

• Baptize Herky and all college football mascots. Make them all Christian. That’ll teach ‘em.

• Start a No Jesus But Jesus protest in every major city in America. Young men only. In togas. Who flee the rally naked.

• Make Flannelgraphs Great Again as an ecclesial rejection of the AI pig slop of prodigals.

• Pray “Your kingdom come,” like, a lot.

Finally, here’s some sermon ideas despite the vibe being OFF

• Jesus is Lord

• No one else is Lord

• You’re not Lord

• I’m not Lord

• Only the Lord is Lord