Wasn't it so sad that the vibe was OFF in April? Well, I’m pleased to let you know it’s back on. I’m glad you didn’t give up. I never will, so thanks for sticking with me.
Welcome to the latest edition of Pastoral Vibe-ology, an imprint of Pastoral Theology with Joseph Lear.
In this seriously unserious sub-Substack, I’m your atmospheric Viber of vibes.
May’s Vibe
You’ve heard of dudes Looks-maxxing and the ladies Glam-maxxing. But we’re NOT giving into the narcissist-influencer vice-maxx culture. Which is why we’re
☦️ VITRUE-MAXXING ☦️
🤩 We’re Making Modesty in our attire and our finances Great Again (MAafGA)!
🤯 We’re counting others more important than ourselves in our social media postings (and if you’re feeling bold, in real life too).
💥 We’re selling all we have and giving to the needy in order to be poor in spirit (okay, not everything, just some things because Jesus couldn’t have been serious about that).
Sermon Series
As always, I’m here to help formulate your next sermon series. I mean, who needs the lEciTionArY when you have the vibes?!
This month we’re MAXXING the three theological virtues: Faith, Hope, and Love
Faith-Maxxing: We’re not just praying for the sick 🤒, we’re praying for the healthy too!
👉 Make sure to preach about how we’re all gonna die anyway (#resurrection).
Hope-Maxxing: Forsake the vice of wishing and gamble on God.
👉 Be sure to mention that sports gambling is still worse than playing the stock market.
Love-Maxxing: Invite your enemies to church this month!
👉 This is not an invitation to greet one another with a holy kiss ‘cause #churchtoo 😬
Men’s and Women’s Ministry 🤝 Swap
In order to truly virtue-MAXX, men are adopting feminine virtue, and women are adopting masculine virtue. Like Jesus.
Masculine Feminine-Maxxing
Men are gonna dress more conservatively than any pastor has ever advised women to. Cover those knees and ankles, shoulders and elbows. #Proverbs31husband
Men are gonna say sorry for things they don’t need to apologize for.
Submit(!!!) to your wife and lady-boss. Like Barack to Deborah, ya know?
Feminine Masculine-Maxxing
Women are gonna be wild at heart.
Women are going to fight a lion in a pit on a snowy day.
Women are only reading from the Men’s Devotional Bible (the one with the army camo and the cross made out of weapons of mass destruction).
And now, a 📣 shout out 📣to this month’s very supportive sponsor.
This month’s sponsor is
The Gospel Coalition
Just kidding.
They’re not sponsoring this woke joke nonsense.
To keep the VIBE, let’s remember some important talking points about the competition
🙂↔️ Utilitarianism is for capitalists, dictators, and red coats.
🤓 The categorical imperative is for antitheistic chumps.
🤲 Epicureanism and Stoicism are BOR-ING
🫵 Divine Command Theory is for the fatalists and predestinarians.
I know these are fighting words. But that’s the whole point of virtue-MAXXING.
Oh, and if you don’t know what any of this means, DO NOT use AI to look it up. Be virtuous and read a book.
Finally, behold virtue-MINNING.
Do you think it’s chocolate inside? Because some people are about to eat it 🥴
DON’T FORGET TO SHARE AND SUBSCRIBE PLEEEEEAAAAASE
We’ve gotta keep the vibe MAXXED together 🤝
A piece best read in the style of a 90s Nerf commercial.
It’s MAXX or nothing!
I'm kinda into library-maxxing myself.
As for sermons based on vibes, I saw on a local church's FB page that this Sunday, 5/17, the sermon will be on "Aliens or Angels: Visitors from Another World...or Another Realm?"