Well done, everyone. We virtue-MAXXED in May, and I could tell.
Couldn’t you?
We haven’t changed the world, but we were sure passive-aggressive against the VICE of this present darkness.
🎊 Let’s celebrate (but not be loud about it because that wouldn’t be humble—and we’ve gotta keep MAXXING the virtue).
👉I’ve gotten a number of new subscribers in the last month, so if you’re new to Pastoral Vibe-ology, this is a seriously unserious sub-Substack, and I, Joseph Lear, am serious about being unserious about PASTORAL VIBES.
For those of you who aren’t pastors: (as Jesus says) do not let your hearts be troubled! Vibes are still for you because I’m a Pentecostal and I believe in the pastor-hood of all believers.
I’m glad you’re here 🥹
June’s Vibe 💃
As many of you know, I lost my job at Evangel. Don’t be sad for me, though, because I’ve entered my HUSTLE era.
Which is why this month’s vibe is HUSTLE 💪
We’re gonna GRIND THE GEARS of HUSTLE to forge a new chapter. Just don’t be (semi-)Pelagian about it. Salvation is by grace alone 😤
HUSTLE YOUR SERMONS
No, I don’t mean finding an online pastor who says you’re free to plagiarize his sermon series as your own.
I mean: you’re actually going to read the Bible, meditate on it, and ask Jesus to speak to you by his Spirit.
🫵 now THAT’S hustle 🫵
Nevertheless, to get you started, I’m going to provide you with some sermon title options. You can use them, but give me a footnote in your preaching manuscript so that at least you know you’re not stealing
Or, you know, just share the vibe:
This month we’re going character-driven in our preaching, focussing on the HUSTLERS of the Bible:
Noah, who built a boat. Pretty big achievement. Allegorize the boat as the ship of salvation and hustle to get your fam (blood or otherwise) onboard.
Samson, who HUSTLED a lot of girlfriends. Weird take, I know. But allegorize the girlfriends as virtues, and connect it with last month’s vibe.
Paul, who made tents. Pretty lame job, but not nothin’. (Do you think he put a Bible verse on the care labels of his tents?) Anyway, allegorize tent-making as church-making to say everyone should be building up the church ⛪️
Finally (and obviously), Jesus, who convinced a bunch of people that he deserved their benevolence even though he clearly didn’t give a rat’s behind about the protestant work ethic. He was a leach, but give him cred for the HUSTLE.
📢 And now a special word from our sponsor:
This month’s sponsor is MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING
Shout out to Pampered Chef, Mary Kay, Herbalife, and Amway
You’ve been recruiting local church hustlers for longer than I’ve been alive
-Making every small group awkward
-Monetizing friendships
-and perpetuating consumerism in the local church
Your products are janky, but your VIBE is STRONG
#KeepHustling
Hustling the Hustle by sharing Hustle Advice
Listen, I’m no expert. I’m figuring this whole thing out as I go. But, in an effort to show you that I have some insights into hustling (so that you'll support my hustle by subscribing), I’m going to give you my best hustling advice:
Marry a nurse👩⚕️. Nurses have job security like no other job except pastors. The difference is that nurses are always paid for their secure jobs (unlike pastors 😬).
💰 Spend a lot of money you don’t have on a humanities PhD. It makes you love things other than money so you can be okay with your lot in life.
Be a person of integrity 😇. It will mean you lose your marketplace job for refusing to compromise your standards for the Almighty Dollar. But that is precisely how you become a HUSTLER.
Just die (in Christ) 😵. Don’t unalive yourself ☝️ because I love you and Jesus loves you even more. But if death comes knocking, attaining the resurrection of the dead by any means possible (cf. Philippians 3) is the ULTIMATE HUSTLE.
A picture of the NURSE I married. #HUSTLE 
