Toxic Congregants

More Thoughts On Celebrity Christianity

There has been so much airtime devoted to investigating, questioning, showcasing, and—at times—shaming toxic Christian leadership that we might forget that congregants can also be toxic, church-splitting narcissists. And many kind, humble, patient, and meek pastors have been abused by these people.

• I attended a church where the lead pastor had a stutter. A congregant repeatedly complained publicly that it was distracting.

• I attended another church where the pastor was routinely cornered by a congregant who would raise his voice, reprimand, and degrade the pastor at the top of his lungs. And no one intervened.

• I have watched churches split from the bottom up. (The pastor might be complicit in the problem, but she can’t be the only problem.)

Not too long ago, a tweet from a person I don’t follow appeared in my timeline in which the tweeter recommended that we all go up to our pastors on Sunday and ask, “who do you answer to?” If we weren’t satisfied with the answer, we should promptly abandon our church.

Now, don’t get me wrong, pastors should answer to someone—but maybe not to the person is who asking this question aggressively and out-of-the-blue right after you’ve shared prayer and communion together.

I had so many questions about the tweet. How long do I have to attend the church before I ask my pastor this question? Am I a stranger to her? Have I asked official members who the board is? Have I asked for a copy of the church’s bylaws? Is it a denominational or non-denominational church?

I asked these questions in a reply, and I was slammed by strangers. Clearly, I must be the kind of toxic pastor who doesn’t answer to anyone simply because I would suggest that confronting a pastor in this way is probably not a good idea. But I wonder: Why is it that pastors should always answer to someone, but congregants don’t have to?

In the very first podcast of The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill, Mike Cosper asks what I think is an important question about the ongoing problem of toxic leadership: Why do we keep letting this happen? If we ask it, I think this question will, at least in some instances, demonstrate that the congregation is a big part of the problem. Clergy do hold a unique seat of power in the church, but they never hold all the power. That’s why we call it a “power dynamic.”

If we’re only ever asking, “what makes a good pastor,” and never asking, “what makes a good congregant,” then we’re always and forever going to be putting the focus on the man at the top. And that’s how celebrities are born.

Finally, I would wager that for every toxic pastor that abuses well-meaning congregants, there are thousands who turn the other cheek as often as they are slapped.

Good shepherds, like our Lord, love the faithless and twisted generation (Deut 32:5).

So, be a good sheep.