Welcome to another edition of Pastoral Vibe-ology, a seriously unserious sub-Substack. I, Joseph Lear, am your viber of vibes, here to teach you about bringing the pizzaz to the local church.
Last month’s vibe was HUSTLE, and it occasioned the announcement of my new side hustle: the Certificate of Pentecostal Ministry at Northern Seminary.
👉THAT’S RIGHT: a Baptist institution is teaming up with me, a born and bred Pentecostal. Who would’ve seen that coming (except probably God)? This remarkable turn of ecumenical events has caused July’s vibe to manifest itself—
it’s PENTECOSTAL.
This month, being Pentecostal isn’t just for free church, happy-clappy, tongues-speaking enthusiasts. It’s for all of God’s one, holy, catholic, apostolic, annnnnd PENTECOSTAL church.
This month you’re a 🔥 Southern Bapticostal,
You’re part of the 🔥 Presbycostal Church of America,
And you’re a 🔥 Roman Catholicostal:
yous-yous-yous-yous-love-love-love-daaa-pope…DAA POPE yous-love-love-da-pope-yous-yous
-A Chicago Catholic trying to speak in tongues 👅 🤪 😜 👅(probably)
Pentecostal Vibe Preaching
I know you might be tempted not to prep any sermons this month and just rely on the Spirit to inspire you as you enter the pulpit. You can give that shot, or you can have as much faith about the Spirit speaking to you before you even show up at church (that’s called Spirit-led preparation 🫡).
Either way, here’s a few sermon ideas to get the Spirit moving:
🐍 Politics and the church 🐍: Rethinking which snakes we’re actually handling.
🫰 SLAY GURRRRL SLAY 🫰: Slain in the Spirit // Slaying at life!
🎁 Christmas in July 🎁: The spiritual gifts are the true meaning of summer
👨🚒 WILDFIRE SEASON🧯: Setting your heart and your home on fire with the love of the Holy Spirit.
A Pentecostal 250 Celebration
Pentecostals love finding meaning in the absurdly small details of the Bible and life. Like numbers. It comes with the territory of loving the book of Revelation (because we all know Jesus is coming back soon).
This month, we’re leaning into the symbolic meaning of America’s 250, and we’re making it 🔥 PENTECOSTAL 🔥.
Here’s how the number works: the “pente-” in “pentecost” is for fifty, because the Holy Spirit came 50 days after Jesus’s resurrection.
250 divided by 50 is 5.
And 5 should remind us of the five-fold gospel=Jesus is savior, sanctifier, baptizer in the Holy Spirit, healer, and soon coming king.
Here’s how we’re gonna celebrate:
Hold a Jericho march around your favorite evil institution (Jesus is savior)
Preach a wholesome message through a bullhorn to confused passers-by (Jesus is sanctifier)
Smear every door of said institution with anointing oil—extra virgin ☝️, for obvious reasons (Jesus is baptizer in the Holy Spirit)
Lay hands on the institution to cast out the demons (Jesus is healer)
Last, but definitely not least, have 250 shofar blowers to announce Jesus’s ultimate victory. Be sure to use real rams horns. Those plastic knock-offs called “vuvuzelas” don’t work spiritually (Jesus is soon coming king)
Now, a word from our sponsor:
This month’s sponsor is The Nation-State of Israel
Who have offered kitsch Pentecostal vibes since Oral Roberts and Pat Robertson got TV shows
Israel doesn’t care about
-your interpretation of Romans 11
-or that you call Jesus “Yeshua”
But they do appreciate your tourist dollars
and your political affections
#keepthemcoming
Finally…It’s Story Time
A while back, I got to meet Molly Worthen, author of the excellent book Spellbound: How Charisma Shaped American History from the Puritans to Donald Trump.
When she found out I was Pentecostal she blurted out:
“What’s the craziest thing you’ve seen?!”
And THAT’S the question I have for YOU, my fellow Viber:
What is the craziest thing you’ve seen or heard about in Pentecostal circles that gives you a little chuckle? Share it in the comments or in a DM to me (with respect ☝️) so we can laugh and marvel at this joyful, one-of-a-kind, wonderful, and crazy movement called PENTECOSTALISM.
🔥 I’ll start:
I went to Bible school with a guy who we all swore could teleport in the Spirit. He’d pop up in the most random places scream-praying at demons in bushes.
The comments and DMs are open ⬇️
You're very funny😂
Summer sermon idea: "It's Getting Hot in Here: So Take Off Your Garments of Heaviness and Be Reclothed by the Spirit."