Welcome to another edition of Pastoral Vibe-ology, a seriously unserious sub-Substack, part of the Pastoral Theology imprint. I, Joseph Lear, am your viber of vibes, here to help you vibe with the VIBE that’s taking the American church faster than fast fashion can ship plastic-derivative clothing from Guangdong Province to your local H&M in Springfield, USA.
This month’s vibe is…FANCY church
It’s not megachurch vibes.
It’s also not liturgical vibes.
It’s FANCY church vibes.
Megachurches have fog machines. Liturgical churches have incense.
FANCY CHURCH puts frankincense in the fog machines.
FANCY vibey ideas for the congregation
Never ever forget that the vibe is for everyone, pastor and congregant alike, so here’s how to implement it with some concrete examples. You can do exactly what’s suggested here, or you can riff on them to make the FANCINESS your own.
Wear something that’s 💁♀️ SOOOOO EXTRA 🤩 to church every Sunday. Like a fascinator (ladies!) as an ironic riff on head coverings (we’re still egalitarian 👍), or aviator sunglasses (b/c we see through a glass darkly, 1 Cor 13:12).
If you baptize someone, throw a bunch of fresh lilies in the water. Because It’s pretty and because Jesus clothes us all 🥹 (Matt 6:28) #GloryGreaterThanSolomon
For communion, SKIP THE STORE BRAND! We’re only using the finest Welches grape juice.1 And make sure a crunchy mom or a dude who’s deep in a midlife crisis provides homemade sourdough.
IS IT MORAL???
We’re back this month with another edition of IS IT MORAL???—where you, my beloved readers, get to vote on whether something is, in fact, moral or not.
Here it is:
Now, a word from this month’s sponsor:
This month’s sponsor is…
The Anglican Church of North America
They’re not cosplaying Catholics
Neither are they using liturgy to obscure their free church schismatic libertarianism
They’re just FANCY.
Thank you, ACNA, for providing a place to have smells and bells,
and evangelical fervor,
*Without* the obligation to vote Democrat.
Little Luxurious Locutions
This month, we’re not calling them “homilies,” “sermons,” or “Spirit-inspired words,” because that’s not fancy enough. Here’s some little ideas for your locutional luxuries:
